(Re)Connect with your partner

drifting apart

Over time couples can start to feel like they’ve lost the connection they once shared - they may feel like the passion has gone, to the point that they may start to feel like strangers living under the same roof. 

Without the intimacy, commitment and energy that comes with sharing your life with that special person you fell in love with, being in the relationship can start to feel lonely and life can start to feel empty – if not downright frustrating.

Thoughts can start to come up about the relationship: 'Is this the right person for me? How did we get here? Should I stay or should I go…?’

Though there may be no outright conflict, if the disconnect between partners does not get addressed, it will lead to dissatisfaction and eventually to a separation.

Re-connecting through counselling

Couples Counseling can be a great place to acknowledge the “disconnect” and begin to open up the channels of communication, empathy, and intimacy between partners.

In couples therapy you can better understand what intimacy looks like for you and find the ways to re-kindle your love and passion for each other.

This can take place in several ways:

• Acknowledge and resolve conflict

• Heal previous emotional injuries

• Tune into each other’s “emotional worlds” and strengthen reciprocal empathy

• Share and understand each other’s deeper wishes, needs and fears

• Develop “rituals of connection” and make each other (and the relationship) a priority

why couples disconnect

There are many reasons why couples find themselves feeling like the connection they once shared has fizzled out:

• Life gets in the way: over time, life events and stresses can start to take precedence over the relationship. Work commitments, health issues, children, aging parents, financial concerns…partners can sometimes feel that “life” has taken over, and they’ve lost the sense of being each other’s priority.

• Emotional Injuries: couples may find that they just can’t get over past emotional injuries, for example affairs and betrayals or hurtful things have been said and done. Emotional injuries can cause partners to distance themselves from each other as a form of protection.

• Sex and physical intimacy: changes may have taken place over time that have affected your sex-life. There may be health issues or physical changes that have changed the way you experience sex. For some couples these changes bring up a discrepancy in sexual desidre and cause distance, friction, and a loss of spontaneity.

• Grief, Loss or Trauma: when one or both partners experience a significant loss or go through a traumatic event, emotions can be so strong that it may be difficult to stay emotionally connected to each other.

• Conflict Avoidance: some couples hate fighting or seeing their partner get upset. This may lead them to avoid conversations about sensitive subjects, shifting around an ‘elephant in the room’ that is not being addressed. A rift starts to grow between the partners, limiting their ability to feel warmth, passion and intimacy towards each other.

Whatever your situation may be, couple’s counselling can help you understand the sources of your dis-connect, and suggest ways for you to re-connect mentally, emotionally, and physically.

FIND OUT MORE

If you’d like to find out more about couple’s therapy, you can read my other specialty pages, check out the FAQs on couple’s therapy, or get in touch.

You can also check out my Mental, Emotional and Relational Wellbeing Workshops or follow me on Social Media to stay up-to-date on all other initiatives related to Relational Wellbeing.